The Magnificent McGriddle

If you've never had a McGriddle, you've been living a sad existence. Do yourself a favor and stop by your neighborhood McDonald's tomorrow and devour one. You'll be happy you did. If you've never even heard of a McGriddle (I think you're on the wrong website), the following will explain everything:

The concept of a McGriddle is so simple, yet so incredibly brilliant. It's simplicity lies in it's brevity: only 4 main components. Eggs, cheese and breakfast meat of your choice (my go-to is sausage), sanwiched between the pièces de résistance - syrup infused griddle cakes. It combines the very best that breakfast has to offer into one handheld package bursting with flavor from every direction. A true marvel of modern culinary ingenuity and excess, the McGriddle is in a league of its own (perhaps rivaled only by the KFC Double Down).

But the McGriddle does have its cons. They are on the small side, their structural composition can vary depending on the elementary school drop-out who crafts yours, and who knows whats going on with that gelatinous disc they call an egg...Obviously, they're still delicious, but the concept definitely has room for improvement.

As a huge fan of breakfast sandwiches in general, I know how good they can be when they're hot off the pan and made with real ingredients. A McGriddle-style sandwich is no exception. As delicious as pancakes are, they rarely come to mind when I'm thinking about making my own breakfast at home. I can count on one hand the number of times I've personally made pancakes in my life...But as someone who loves making my own breakfast feasts, I have always thought about crafting my own McGriddle. So when I was in New Orleans last month I came across something that looked too good to pass up. While visiting Southern CandyMakers on Decateur St. and filling up a huge bag with chocolate-covered everything, I noticed a bag of Bruce's sweet potato pancake mix...normally I would have just walked right past it, but for some reason it caught my eye: These would be perfect for making a McGriddle! So I bought the bag of mix, brought it home and it just sat on my kitchen counter for a couple of weeks waiting for it's moment to shine.

Then a few Saturday's ago, I found myself at Fiacco's Pork Store in Greenwich Village (260 Bleecker Street btw. Cornelia & Jones). If you've never been there you should definitely stop by if you're ever in the neighborhood. Full butcher shop, deli, pre-made Italian dishes, cheeses, fresh baked bread...you name it. But the real reason I went was for the roast beef. For my money, it's the best homemade roast beef in NYC - Rare and juicy throughout and they craft a flawless sandwich with it. But I digress...While I was waiting in line, I noticed some amazing freshly ground sweet Italian sausage patties. So I bought a few in anticipation of a Sunday breakfast feast the next morning.

Right before watching the Giants reprise their weekly role as the NFL's version of Rodney King at 1pm Sunday, I fired up my electric griddle, which remains to be one of the best $20 puchases I've ever made. I threw the sausage patties on, and while those started to cook through I mixed the batter with water and infused it with Aunt Jemima Butter Lite syrup (the best) and started to make sandwich-sized pancakes on the other side of the griddle. I stacked those up on a plate and started craking a bunch of eggs on the griddle, topped them with American cheese and started to assemble the McGriddles. Bottom pancake > Sausage patty > Egg > Cheese > (some Crystal hot sauce - optional for you, required for me) > Top pancake. It was that simple, but holy shit were those fucking things amazing. Here's the finished platter:

As I anticipated, it all came down to the ingredients: top quality authentic sweet Italian sausage, fresh eggs (made with slightly runny yolks), and sweet potato pancake book-ends which had an incredible, sweet cinnamon flavor melded with the butter lite flavor in the background. If Autumn had a flavor, it would taste like these pancakes. Of course, there are many other variations that can be made on this sandwich: Bacon, Ham, different types of sausage, different varieties of cheeses, etc...but this was a pretty promising inaugural effort. These McGriddles also differed from the real thing in the other way I expected: they were LARGE...they were basically breakfast cheeseburgers. You can see how thick they were:

Ever seen a yolk like that on your McGriddle?

So I ended up eating 1 3/4 of these breakfast behemoths and then I wasn't able to move off the couch for at least an hour...which turned out to be a curse considering the miserable Giants were on TV and the images of opposing running backs running for 13 yards a carry all afternoon were burned into my retinas.

Unlike my Big Mac re-creation, which turned out great, but not as good as the real deal...this McGriddle remake was undoubtedly more delicious than the McDonald's version with far more complex flavors...and I didn't even have to put pants on to leave the house on Sunday. If you don't believe me, then come on over and join me on a lazy Sunday...you'll be sold before long.

Defending The Drive-Thru

There are essentially 2 kinds of people in this world: 1) Those who see the sign above, shake their head in disgust and feel like vomiting, and 2) those who see the sign, press down firmly on the gas pedal and haul ass to exit 59. I know that if I ever come across a sign as glorious as this one, I will not hesitate to pull over. Clearly, we know where I stand on the issue. But what about those people who fall into category 1? Why is it that so many people hate the fast food industry? I really want to know. How can so many people have such outright contempt for a range of restaurants and products that are delicious, convenient and, quite frankly, revolutionary? Like it or not, fast food is arguably one of the most influential "inventions" of the 20th century and one of America's most recognizable exports abroad. The fast food service sector is undeniably a significant force in our economy and has been for decades. However, fast food opponents, nutritionists and tree-huggers alike will argue that it's making our citizens fat. FALSE. Our citizens are making our citizens fat. It's like Chris Tucker once said, "Guns don't kill people, stupid motherfuckers with guns kill people (Name The Movie...)!"

It's true that just as guns in the wrong hands can be extremely dangerous (convicted felons), so too can fast food (Kirstie Alley). But just like you can't hold Smith & Wesson accountable for a premeditated murder, you can't arrest The King as an accessory to this country's coronaries...you have to blame the consumer. If you're eating 3 supersized value meals every day, there are probably some larger lifestyle issues you should address. Just because a product exists doesn't mean you have to use it or associate yourself with it at all. That's the beauty of capitalism. But hey, if you want to be morbidly obese, then more power to you...Freedom of Expression...It's the 1st Amendment. All I ask

is that you, and your anti-fast food advocates, stop looking for excuses and placing the blame everywhere else other than on yourselves...all these assholes are doing is ruining all of the great products the U.S. offers to accomodate our vices...liquor, tobacco, marijuana, and 1200 calorie cheeseburgers that are ready at a moment's notice. Let's face it: It's not Jim Beam's fault you drove into that tree; it's not Joe Camel's fault you got emphysema; it's not Towelie's fault that you cant remember what day it is (well maybe slightly); and it sure as hell isn't Ronald McDonald's fault that your 8 year old is fat.

When a fatty blames fast food for their obesity (or their child's), it's akin to having a peanut allergy and knowingly eating a jar of peanut butter, then blaming your adverse reaction on the makers of Jif for making it widely available. If you are fat, and you want to lose weight, then stop eating entire Crave Cases for lunch.

However, there are those of us who relish this choice that we have, and actively decide to embrace the splendor that is American fast food. I don't eat it every day, but it has a very special place in my heart and my belly. Every so often you just get that craving and there's nothing else that can satisfy. If I go too long without a Big Mac, I begin to understand how Tyrone Biggums feels everyday.

I recently received an email from Brownie with a link to a Newsweek article by Steve Tuttle. I've never seen anyone describe the fast food experience quite like him. He is my new hero...check out the article here and enjoy. Prepare to be inspired and hungry...at least that's how it made me feel.

So after you read his article and my post, my proposition to all of you is that - for just one meal this week - you disregard all the negativity and bullshit surrounding fast food and go re-connect with your favorite burger, chicken sandwich, nugget, gordita, extra crispy drumstick, mcmuffin, frosty, and/or fries. (If it's been awhile and you've forgotten where to go, here's a list of every fast food restaurant in existence). Feel free to post a comment detailing the calorie-filled slice of heaven you fell back in love with.

Give in to one of America's greatest guilty pleasures and help spur the economy while you're at it! Consider it your civic duty...like voting, but far more delicious.

Your country thanks you.